Hanging out at a Crossroads

Do you feel like you are at a Crossroads?

As we go through life, it is impossible to avoid Crossroads. And if you are out pursuing your dreams, you’re likely to come across them with more frequency. This post will help you navigate any decisions you may face on the path ahead.

On a personal journey, you will encounter Crossroads

When you set out on a personal journey, you are heading towards a specific destination, or goal. But even so, you don’t yet know how you will reach that destination.

On the way, you may face many Crossroads. These are times when you see more than one option ahead that could help you reach your goal. At certain times, you may even see a dozen different ways forward. Sometimes, you can tell which path is better, but other times, each way can seem promising.

The danger of a Crossroads

If you let them, Crossroads can delay your journey. You can hang out at the Crossroads for weeks, months, or even years. You can spend too much time worrying you will make the wrong decision or researching each option. It is natural to want to make the right decision, but sometimes, we get caught up in perfectionism.

If you spend too much time at a Crossroads, you are likely to feel confused and overwhelmed. But these may be familiar, and even comforting, feelings to you. Indulging in confusion and overwhelm can be a way of avoiding making a decision. You get to wring your hands, be a tortured soul, and tell everyone you can’t make progress because you are just so confused.

The truth is, not making a decision is a decision in itself. You are deciding to stay where you are and stay stuck.

You are avoiding continuing your path into the Unknown

If you are like me, you love being at a Crossroads because you get to imagine possibilities. You get to believe in your potential without actually having to take action.

Taking action and putting yourself out there is the scary part. So your brain, or your Lizard, can be very tricky in finding ways to stop you and keep you safe.

In order to avoid spending too much time at a Crossroads, we must manage the fears that come up, and find a way forward.

My experience with Crossroads

On my own journey, I am all too familiar with Crossroads, having faced many of them already.

My personal journey is related to this site, Go Bravely Co. I am so full of ideas for possible directions my site can head in, such as product ideas. I write them all down, but I don’t just stop there. I look into each one. I take copious notes and spend tons of time researching things I wouldn’t need to know until much farther down the path.

While I feel accomplished for having done all this, the truth is that the research is not my real work. I can only make real progress after the Crossroads.

At a Crossroads, we must be brave

We are explorers and adventurers, discovering new lands on our personal journeys. We don’t have the full map; we are charting our course. We will not know everything that is ahead on each path, and that is okay.

It is brave to make decisions in the face of the unknown.

View each Crossroads you face as practice. You are learning how to be more decisive and take action. These skills are key to reaching your destination.

How to be decisive

Here are some steps to follow when you face a Crossroads.

1. Define each path

Write each choice down in a journal. Naming each one lets you see your options. “There are four paths” is more defined than “I’m totally lost”.

2. Give yourself a deadline to make a decision

Write it under the choices:

I will decide which path to choose by X time at X date.

And keep this timeline tight, such as by the weekend.

On research

You may want to do research to aid your decision. If you are prone to researching too much, define it before you begin. Decide how many hours you will do, and how you will research the subject (read articles, watch YouTube videos, etc). Keep it simple and manageable. Then, stick to your research plan. 

All of these perimeters around the decision will help you avoid dwelling in confusion. Remember that there are costs of staying too long at a Crossroads.

3. Consider each path

Write your thoughts about each one in a journal. Do pro/con lists if that helps.

Tap into your intuition

Reflect on each path and how it feels. Try this simple meditation:

• Get comfortable. Breathe in and out until your thoughts slow.

• Picture each option in your mind as clearly as you can.

• Notice how your body feels when thinking about that path. Do you feel constricted, with tight shoulders or tenseness in your face? Or do you feel expansive, happy, and open?

Use a tool to help connect to your intuition.

• If you have two options, flip a coin. It has been said that as the coin is in the air, you will realize which choice you hope wins. (A dice may work if there are many options.)

• If you have tarot cards, draw a card for each option. Reflect or journal on the meanings.

4. Make the best decision you can with the information you have

It is that simple and that hard.

One path is not necessarily ‘right’ and the other ‘wrong’

We often think in binaries: good vs. evil, right vs. wrong. But life is more nuanced than that. If different paths call to you, decide that they are all valid choices.

Ask yourself, If I knew each one would succeed, which one would I pick?

The path that scares you

“What you are afraid to do is a clear indication of the next thing you should do.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes, there is a choice that scares and excites you more than the other(s). It is possible one path would be staying in your comfort zone, while the other path would lead you to personal growth.

The path that scares you is likely the one that would lead you further along your journey.

5. Give your decision a fair chance

After you make a decision, fear and doubt may creep in. When you first begin a new path, you won’t know for sure if you picked the right one. Often, you don’t see the outcome for months.

So, at first, honor your decision by sticking with your path for a set time frame without expecting results. Depending on what it is, this time frame may be several months, six months, or a year. At the end of that time, you can re-evaluate.

Should you adjust your path?

Once you’re back on the trail, as you make discoveries, you may need to account for new information. If you do decide to adjust your path, make sure that you are doing so for a good reason, and not out of fear.

You can go down a path and turn around later if it doesn’t feel right. You can find your way back to the Crossroads, to pick another path. I write about this in my post about the Waste.

On a journey, you are bound to pick the wrong path occasionally. And that is okay. We don’t need to be perfect. We are in the Unknown.

Are you a chronic path changer?

Do you love coming up with all kinds of ideas, and trying a new one whenever you fancy?

If you are changing your path often, it is likely that you’re not making much progress overall. This may be yet another sneaky way you’re avoiding just taking action in the right direction.

I challenge you to stick with one path long enough to see it through.